On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
