Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
