she was so not down for the gang bang
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Terrible idea I love it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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