okay pat passed out under dana's car
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
