omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
