whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
