I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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