He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
