I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
