I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
