Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize