My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
