So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
