Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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