dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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