do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize