just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
