I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
