Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
