Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
