I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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