I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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