sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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