so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
