i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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