WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize