My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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