I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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