You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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