You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
