I think I died a long time ago.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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