Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
