I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
