Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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