She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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