I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
