hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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