I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
