So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
