a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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