I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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