respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
