is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
