Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
