Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
