Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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