Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
