no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
