jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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