i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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