Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
