I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
