i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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