my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
