If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
