i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
