At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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