The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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