Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
