hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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