haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i have two assholes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
