I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
