explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize