yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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