Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
