a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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