Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
smell my finger.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
