I am spending my child support on dildos
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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