No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
