Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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