So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
