He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
