White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
