I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
