okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize