Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
