grandma shit on top of the toilet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
