I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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