Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
