he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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