I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
