it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
