hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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