You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
