ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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