Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
