Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
