Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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