Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
