for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize