Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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