Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
