I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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