Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize