Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
