she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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