I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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