You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
