god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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