i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
