Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
