Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's never too late to be topless.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
