I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
