Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize