All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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