): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize