No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
