We named our party play list daddy issues
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
