haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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