I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
