Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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