I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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