i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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