6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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