I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
